Posted by: bourbonmama | 01/09/2008

Mother-In-Law

My mother-in-law gets on my ever-lovin‘ last nerve. There I said it, or typed it. I am seriously considering deleting this entry, now. Let me explain. Philip’s mother is one of the sweetest people I have ever met. She’s kind, caring, giving, loving, and all those other wonderful things sweet people should be. She’s also incredibly nosey and intrusive. She has 4 sons and no daughters. She always wanted a daughter, but was never blessed with one, so she tries to make her daughter-in-laws into stand-in daughters. Philip’s sister-in-law had no problem with this. She even agreed to move in NEXT DOOR to her in-laws. Yes, I know, and it is just like “Everybody Loves Raymond.” I feel sorry for her and then I remember that she got herself into that mess. I think that because the SIL was so receptive to the MIL’s persistence, it allowed her to believe that’s an acceptable relationship to have with your son’s wife/partner.

I know, I know, I’m a horrible excuse for a human being. I should accept her love and be thankful that she deems me good enough for her son. Let’s see, a few examples…..she told me she loved me before Philip had. She constantly wants to hug and kiss me. She calls me at least once a week to check on me. I know, this makes me sound like a royal bitch. It’s just that she has been so pushy with her affection. It’s like that guy that is a perfectly sweet guy, who is totally in love with you, but you don’t like him “that way,” but he won’t ever give up. So his neediness just makes him even less desirable…you know that guy?

Most of the things she has done that irritated me started when I got pregnant, like touching my belly (the only people I allowed to touch my belly when I was pregnant was Philip and my grandmother). Then, when Philip told her that I didn’t like it, she spent the next 7 months asking to feel the baby every time I saw her, knowing that I was going to say no, and feel horrible for it. Not so bad? She also spent the last 5 months of my pregnancy introducing me as “her grandchild.”
EX: random person: “Hi, MIL, how are you?”
MIL: “Good, this is my son, Philip, and this is my grandchild!” (motions to me)
random person: (confused, looks at me questioningly)
me: “Hi, I’m Caroline, and THIS is the grandchild.” (points at belly)
Don’t worry, it gets worse. My labor was incredibly difficult. She insisted on coming into the LDR, while I was in the throws of contractions, to say hi and chit-chat. I ended up having a c-section after 9 1/2 hrs of labor, she waited around, after every member of my incredibly huge family had left and was waiting in my room when Philip and I made it in there 3 hrs after my surgery. You’d think she would get the hint after my own mother had gone home–nope. Philip told her I was not up for visitors. The next day, she was my first visitor. She proceeded to watch me breast feed, give me pointers, and then talk to me about mine and Philip’s sex life.
MIL: “Now, I know you’re not going to feel like it for a while, but men have their needs, too.”
me: (look at her in disbelief, pretend to still be doped up and not hear what she just said.)

Now that you’ve gotten a little background, I’ll tell you what she did recently to make me write this. About a month ago, she just showed up on my doorstep, no call, no plans, just came over, unannounced. Of course it was in the middle of Nate’s afternoon nap, which he was taking with me in the recliner. We had been asleep a grand total of 20 min. The doorbell ruined that. I answered the door, she gave me a rug that matched his bedroom decor, and took him from my arms. I KNOW!! I’m getting to the worst of it, so just bear with me. She says, Ohh, is it nap time? I hope you don’t mind me just stopping by. I just had to see my grandson.”
“Yeah it was nap time, but that’s OK.”

She didn’t stay long, just long enough for Nate not to go back down and make the rest of the day hell for both of us. She has never just stopped by, she knows better. When Philip came home, I told him about it. “She knows better than that,” he said, “I’ll talk to her.”
After he spoke to her, she told him that she didn’t call first because she was afraid I might say no. You’re damn right I might say no. That is my right, it is my house, my family, and MY son!! Apparently, she’s gotten the hint. She hasn’t called me since, and has not, of course, just stopped by.

Now my question to you, am I a bitch? Should I have just let it go? I don’t want a bad relationship with my in-laws, but I’m not sure how to handle this. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, I just want to set some boundaries with her. How do I go about doing that? I am at a loss. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. And, thank you for listening to(reading) my rant, I really needed to vent.

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