Posted by: bourbonmama | 29/04/2009

WBW #16: The Big Ex, part 3

Continued from here and here.

*************


I spent the first few months lost. The only people I knew were Dana (my sister’s maid of honor) and my childhood best friend. I cried myself to sleep almost every night. I wasn’t crying for Travis, I was crying for what I had lost, the time and dedication I had so freely given him, only to be thrown back in my face. I cried for the innocence he had taken from me, my heart was left battered and bruised and full of distrust. My favorite thing to say was, “It wasn’t supposed to end this way, I was going to break his heart. I lost the control.”

Soon, I started working, met some new friends, and life began to hurt a little less. I went on a few dates, and my heart began to open up again. Around my birthday, I even got a tattoo. It symbolizes blossoming into womanhood* . New Years Eve I celebrated my new life, my new found freedom. I celebrated myself without a boy (I want to say man, but really, I was 19, I didn’t know any men) to define me. Life was good.

And then came the call. (you didn’t really think it was going to end with sunshine and roses, did you?) I came home from work one evening to find a Johnson City number on my caller ID. I couldn’t figure out who it was, though. I assumed it must be one of the boys (my little brothers) calling from a friend’s house. Yeah, that’s why the name is so familiar, no wait. James McRandomguy? That’s not one of their friends, who is that? The phone rings, I look at the caller ID: James McRandomguy 423-123-4567. My hand is shaking.

“Hello?”

“Hi.” There it was, that voice that I’d heard only in dreams for over half a year.

My heart pounded in my ears, my vision got all cloudy, my knees started to wobble. I put my hand on the kitchen counter to steady myself. “Why are you doing this to me?”

“I just wanted to hear your voice. I’m not trying to do anything to you.”

“How did you get my number?”

“I made my granny give it to me. I just really need to hear your voice right now.” (Yes, I had kept in contact with his family. We’ll save that for another day.) “I miss you. I wish I could see you.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you trying to make me go crazy?” I started shaking all over. My heart ached like it hadn’t in months. Tears began streaming down my cheeks. “What more do you want from me?”

“I want to tell you I’m sorry. I didn’t realize how good I had it.”

I sat down on my bed and lit a cigarette. I inhaled deeply. I was in control again. “Well, go ahead.” And he did. He told me how miserable he’d been. His family was mad at him, he was losing friends and had already lost his job. And then he told me why he’d really called. Karma had made him do it. He didn’t say those words, but I knew it was just the Good Lady Karma at work after I heard this story. She just wanted me to know she was alive and well.

Travis and Slutty McSkanypants (I know, I am sooo mature) had apparently moved pretty quickly, they were living together by Halloween. It didn’t take long for things to go south (imagine that). She wanted out, or rather, wanted him out. Of her house. But she wasn’t going to give him the courtesy of actually speaking to him about it. Oh, no, my girl, McSkankypants, she did much worse than a measly little note. Travis came home from work one night to find all of his stuff on their porch and his key missing from its spot on his chain. She had taken it off the night before and then skipped class to pack up all of his stuff while he was at work.

I snorted to keep from laughing. “Somehow, I knew you’d laugh.”

“Well, that sure beats a fucking note! Thank you for calling and telling me that, really. It made my week. And, don’t ever call me again, dickhead.”

*************

*It apparently also symbolizes Fairy T & A. I’ve never actually looked at it this long seeing as how it’s on my back. She was originally naked, then my mom saw it and freaked out, (“Mary Caroline! Why do you have a naked woman tattooed on your back!”) at my grandmother’s house. So, in the spirit of modesty and all, I had the dress put on. And, now I’m thinking I may need to do something about the nipplige.

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