Posted by: bourbonmama | 31/08/2009

I don’t have to make sense all the time

Yes, I know, I’ve been gone.  This work thing is just kicking my ass.  It’s only like 25 hours a week, but it takes up ALL of my blogging time.  I currently have 76 new items in my google reader.  Seventy-six.  I can’t keep up with it all.  I need to shower, and every single one of Nate’s sippy cups is dirty.  But here I sit, tappity-tapping away with no real post, but feeling like I need to let some things out of my head.

Saturday was my 10 year reunion.  I didn’t go.  Big surprise.  I wanted to, but I didn’t know why.  The only reason I could come up with was because I wanted to show them that I’m not who they told me I was.  I’m not what they thought I would become.  And, that’s not a good reason to take a five hour trip and pay $40 to hang out at the country club, with a bunch of people I never hung out with in high school.

I’m still all freaked out about going canoeing and leaving Nate.  I know these fears are rational and that everything will be fine.  I KNOW this.  I think some of it is guilt.  The guilt of wanting to leave him for a weekend.  Of feeling a need to rediscover who I am.  To be just Caroline for a few days.   

My job sucks.  I hate it.  I work with a bunch of sixteen year old girls and get paid minimum wage.  It’s the only job that hired me.  I go back to Keeneland in October.  It’s what’s keeping me going.  Just hold on, a few more weeks, I tell myself.  Then, after the meet is over, I’ll figure something else out. 

And, those girls, they’re not anything like I was when I was sixteen.  They’re good girls, I feel like I’m corrupting them just by being near them, corruption by osmosis.  Example:

I’m waiting by the back door for the owner to come unlock the store so I can open it.  Young girl pulls up in a Honda Element, gets out.

me:  So, do you like driving that car?  My sister just got one.

her:  yeah, it’s really roomy inside.  It’s not the most attractive car, though.

me:  Yeah, I think they look like lego cars.

her:  Yeah, I call it my box.  I work with kids, and they all ask me, ‘Ms. McYounggirl, why do you drive a box?’ and I say, ‘Whatever!  My box is tight!’

me:  HAHAHAHAHAHA!  That’s what she said!  HAHAHAHAHA!

Then, she just stared at me like I had a booger hanging out my nose.  Yeah, I’m a degenerate.  Hoo-rah.

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Responses

  1. I just love you. That’s TOTALLY something I would do.

  2. I am right there with you right now. Ive had my sister’s 2 kids plus mine because her husband is in the hospital and, WOW! I am so ready to get back tro my routine!

  3. ohhhh man!!! that’s rad. that’s so rad!!

  4. OMG! We are going to Keeneland October 10th, the day after we are married for a little party! Will you be there?? I would love to meet you!

    • I will be working, in the clubhouse, that’s all I can tell you. Catch me if you can!

  5. Ha ha ha! I would have laughed at that. Kids these days just don’t get a good joke!


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