101 Things

Here is an impossibly long list of “facts” about me. 

Welcome to the land of a thousand links.

  1. I come from a family of 7 kids.
  2. That’s 5 boys, 2 girls.
  3. But really, two tom-boys.
  4. My mom is crazy.
  5. And a drunk.
  6. My father is still my hero.
  7. He introduced me to the beauty that is watching a summer thunderstorm from a porch swing.
  8. He also introduced me to jazz and big band music.
  9. Philip is my life partner.
  10. I know that sounds gay, but it’s better than saying “live-in lover.”
  11. Not that sounding gay is bad, I actually love me some gays.
  12. I secretly want to get married, even though I say that I don’t.
  13. I really just wanna get all dressed up and have everyone look at me.
  14. Did I mention I’m the middle child?
  15. We’ve been together for seven years.
  16. He drives a motorcycle.
  17. We have a son.
  18. He is my world.
  19. I didn’t want to name him Nathaniel, but it was the only name we could agree on.
  20. I wanted to name him Charles Dominic, after my father and brother.
  21. We waited till after he was born to tell everyone, because we couldn’t make a decision.
  22. After 9 1/2 hours of labor and a c-section, I told Philip that I was naming the next boy Charles Dominic and he got no say in it.
  23. He said, “We’ll see.”
  24. Damn, I’m not even to 25, yet.
  25. I am poor white trash.
  26. From Kentucky.
  27. Aside from the years I spent in Tennessee.
  28. I am super loud and obnoxious. 
  29. But only if I’m comfortable with you, and/or slightly drunk.
  30. Santa never came to my house and I never got to go trick-or-treating.
  31. To make up for this, I vowed to never grow up.
  32. I am scared shitless of turning thirty.
  33. I am super over-analytical.
  34. I spent three and a half years getting a two year degree and have nothing to show for it but a piece of paper and a lot of debt.
  35. I miss going to school.
  36. my Mother-in-law= Marie Barron – the bitchiness.
  37. I have a very checkered past.
  38. The stories I tell here are PG 13.
  39. If you know me for reals, I will tell you the NC17 ones.
  40. The sound of a child’s laughter is the sweetest thing in the world. 
  41. I waste a lot of time looking for 4-leafed clovers.
  42. My favorite books are fairy tales.
  43. And, grown-up fairy tales, like Confessions of An Ugly Step-Sister.
  44. Garlic is my favorite flavor.
  45. I think that’s a requirement when you’re Italian.
  46. Girls in fuzzy boots and mini skirts make me want to ralph.
  47. His name is Raaaalph.”
  48. Did I mention my checkered past?
  49. Gawd, I’m not even to 50.
  50. I hate wearing shoes.
  51. I think my feet are claustrophobic. 
  52. I can’t even cover them when I’m sleeping.
  53. If we take a roadtrip together, my bare feet will surely be hanging out the passenger window with in minutes of getting on the highway.
  54. I like bourbon.
  55. Which is pretty obvious, considering the title of this here blog
  56. I don’t say, “this here,” in real life.
  57. I used to play the violin.
  58. For 5 years.
  59. I quit because the teacher was a bitch and would still be my teacher in high school.
  60. If it hadn’t been for her, I’d still play.
  61. I wish I hadn’t quit.
  62. She wouldn’t let me play first chair because I couldn’t tune my own instrument.
  63. Not because I couldn’t play, but because I am tone-deaf.
  64. Philip banned me from singing lullabies.
  65. He doesn’t realise that I still sing to Nate in the car.
  66. In my head, I sound awesome.
  67. I was in the drama club in high school.
  68. I quit that because the teacher was a bitch, too.
  69. Damn bitchy teachers.
  70. I’m beginning to wonder if it was my bitchiness that was the problem.
  71. I was born in 1980, but somehow have managed to stay 26.
  72. I went to a special school 4th-6th grade, until we moved out of state.
  73. No, not that kind of special, this kind.
  74. My major was creative writing. 
  75. My teacher was a children’s author.
  76. And, kinda my idol.
  77. A few years after we moved, she came to do a reading at my little brothers’ elementary school. 
  78. My mother took me to see her, and she didn’t remember me.
  79. It broke my heart.
  80. I am a dork, in every sense of the word.
  81. I tend to ramble.
  82. So much so that I often forget my point.
  83. But that is how you get the best stories.
  84. I’m short.
  85. Very short.
  86. Like 3 inches too tall to be required to sit in a booster seat short.
  87. Unless I’m wearing make-up and grown up clothes (i.e. something that did not come from the juniors department), people tend to think I’m a teenager.
  88. I used to hate this, but now it’s awesome, just like everybody said it would be.
  89. Did I mention I don’t wanna grow up?
  90. I cuss.  A lot.
  91. I worry that Nate will tell his teachers to fuck off.
  92. And, that I’ll laugh.
  93. I am not housewife material.
  94. I don’t do well with a broom or frying pan.
  95. Unless they’re used as a weapon, in which case I rock.
  96. I used to paint.
  97. It’s been 18 mos since I’ve painted anything.
  98. Crazy, that’s exactly how old Nate is.
  99. I talk.  A lot.
  100. I cackle when I laugh.
  101. Unless I’m snorting.

Alright, there ya go.  Are y’all still there?  Did you learn anything new?  Is there anything I left out that you’d like to know?


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