Posted by: bourbonmama | 24/11/2009

Because I’m absentminded

Totally forgot this yesterday.  Thank you thank you thank you.  Charmed and Dangerous gave me an award.  Apparently I’m an awesome KY blogger.   This is not the first award she’s given me, she thinks I’m kreativ, too.  Kreativ with a “K” and no “E”, so you know it’s special. 

So, thank you, and this time, I’m charmed.

Posted by: bourbonmama | 23/11/2009

I don’t have the energy to write a complete post

Nate got super sick.  We had his first trip to the ER.  He didn’t talk for almost a week because his mouth and throat hurt so bad.  Now that he’s feeling better, I can’t get the kid to shut up!  Full sentences people.  FULL sentences.  Like, “Mama Daddy not nice.”  Shut up, it doesn’t matter what the sentence is about, as long it’s a sentence.  In our defense, we had just put drops in his ears, so…


I think I jumped the gun on the whole white trash Christmas thing.  He’s put out more decorations.  Taken over his neighbor’s yard.   And, I can’t find the muppet chef.  I think I’ll have to do a second edition.  Would y’all like that?  OR does it just prove that I have absolutely jack and shit to talk about?


What the crap happened to Sesame street?  Seriously, man?  It’s now 20 minutes of Elmo’s world, and freakin’ Abby Cadabby cartoons, claymation Bert and Ernie, and Baby Bear, who seriously needs to be punched.  Right in the throat.  Maybe then he’d be able to pronounce his R’s and L’s.  And where the slank is the Count?  Or Oscar?  I love how Google put them on the title thingies, but they’re never on the freakin’ show.  Whatever, still better than Barney, right?


   My birthday was last month.  It still hasn’t even sunk in that I’m 29 24.  I wanted to do something special and have people guest post, but ya know, thing got a little crazy.  Anyone wanna do a belated guest post about how special and wonderful and funny and young I am?


My house is a freaking mess.  I was cleaning up yesterday and my birthday card from my grandma.  It stopped me dead in my tracks and I had to sit down and look at it.  I am so not looking forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas without them. 

Posted by: bourbonmama | 11/11/2009

The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

It’s that time again.  The air is crisp, the leaves are turning.  We just put away Halloween costumes.  Oh, yeah, it’s time again for Caroline’s neighbors decorate waaaaaaaaay too early.  (Yo, this should totally make up for that crappy tiny picture I took with my phone.  Consider that a preview).  So, I have figured out that no matter what setting, my little Kodak just does not take good pictures in the dark without a blinding flash.  So, I planned it out this time.  Every night, about an hour before sunset, he comes out and starts the fans (oh, yes, these get inflated, and then deflated every night).  He walks around, repositioning them, holding up the more intricate ones so they don’t get tangled, and standing on the sidewalk surveying his masterpiece.  Then, he goes inside.  Then, it’s too dark and I can’t get the pic.  Last night, I said screw slank it.  He’s asking for attention, he can’t get mad if I take a picture.

from my driveway

No, that's not a flash you saw.

 What I didn’t know, was that he was there, all hidden in that mess.  I saw him jerk his head in my direction.  I turned around and looked the other way.  Crap.  His wife and daughter came out and they talked for a minute.  Then they all three walked down their driveway.  I was going over my defense in my head, when they turned the other way and walked down the street.

My chance!  My golden opportunity.  Man, are y’all gonna love this.  Now first, pretend you hear Christmas music.  Nice, cheesy Christmas music…

I love my neighbors

it gets better every year

 I’ve cropped it, so we can take a closer look.  

number 1



 Just let the classiness soak in.  And, I’m spent.

Posted by: bourbonmama | 06/11/2009

A Real Conversation between me and Philip

Philip:  Did you know that the Snuggie is a knock-off?

Me:  There was another one?

“Yeah, the Slanket was first.  It just didn’t take off like the Snuggie.”

“Maybe it’s the name.  Slanket.  That sounds dirty.  Like, ‘hey, you wanna slank?'”

“Yeah, slank you.”

“Ohhh!  That’s what I’ll do to stop saying fuck in front of Nate!  I’ll just say slank!” 

aside:  If only they had come up with a better name, or a catchy rhyme like the guys over at Snuggie.  Oh, and didnt charge like three times as much.  They have four different styles, and way more colors.  I totally want the Walk the slank pattern. 

Awesome.  I totally know what I’m gonna say when Philip tells me to slank off.

Posted by: bourbonmama | 05/11/2009

Reason Why I Love KY #14

The day before my grandmother’s funeral, Nate and I went to Natural Bridge with my family.  In KY, you get about 3 weeks of gorgeous fall scenery before everything goes bare and grey.  We got in on the tail end, and it was awesome.



Nate and Granddad

Nate and Granddad

 P.S.  I swear I have a real post coming.  I promise.

Posted by: bourbonmama | 04/11/2009

Hammer Time

Whatever, this totally makes up for all the crappy posts I’ve given you in the past month. 

He’s adorable, right?  I know, and I’m super modest about it, too.

Posted by: bourbonmama | 25/10/2009

All week, she kept saying it, “It wont be long, Bill.  I’m right behind you.”  I figured we’d at least get Thanksgiving.  My grandmother died Friday morning.  Six days.  That’s all we got.  Her funeral will be a week after his.  She just could not live with out him.  I don’t even know how to handle it.  I’m doing better than I was last week.

Posted by: bourbonmama | 21/10/2009

William Warren

William Warren Howard  09.03.1924-10.17.2009

William Warren Howard 09.03.1924-10.17.2009

He was argyle socks and plaid pants.  He was old golf clubs on the brick patio. 

He was fresh tomatoes out of the garden and humane traps for the squirrels just so he could kill them in the shed. 

He was scotch on the rocks at cocktail hour and apple juice on the rocks for me.

He was sleepovers on the screened porch and puss monsters in the elm tree that only liked little kids named Fettucini.

He was a ladder against that elm the next morning to show us the puss monster only hits when you’re supposed to be sleeping.

He was golf, golf and more golf.

He was history, and WWII, and geneology before the internet.

He was Dad to three, Grandpa to thirteen, and Grosspop to one.

He was so much more than I ever knew.

*Yes, I used his real name.  I know, I’m a little freaked out, too.

Posted by: bourbonmama | 20/10/2009

My grandfather is in the ICU.  He has pneumonia.  They’ve called the family in.  My entire house is sick.  We can’t go see him.  Mom says he wouldn’t even know we were there, that it’d be just for us.  Just for me to say good-bye.  I’m not sure how to say good-bye.  My grandmother has been in and out of the hospital for over a year.  I was prepared for the call about her, not him. 

In ’95, he got a flesh-eating bacteria.  Almost lost his leg.  The doctors told him he’d never walk on his own.  Six months later, he played 18 holes of golf with my uncle and brother.  No cart for him, because carts are for pussies.  He is no pussy.  He survived a bout with lung cancer a couple of years ago.  Then, a year later got hit by a truck.  In his 80’s.  He’s a tank.  He strong and stubborn and will not take anything lying down.


That was Friday.  We are having his memorial service this morning.  He died on Saturday.  My aunt had made it in from San Antonio in time.  We stood around his bed and prayed and shared our memories, and cried.  He looked so peaceful.  And, then he was gone.

Posted by: bourbonmama | 08/10/2009

Home Alone

Today is my last day off for a while.  I mean, I’ll have days off, but they will be spent playing catch up with blog reading housework and general laziness spending quality time with my boy, what with the 50+ hour work week.  So, I’m working on some posts for y’all.  I’m trying to get at least one a week.  I know, don’t shoot too high, right?

Anyway, today, I need your help.  I’ve got to choose a picture to put in my server book.  I need one that shows how adorable Nate is, so people will feel sorry for the poor single mother working to feed her sweet gorgeous child and give me more money.  So, which one should I choose?

Choice #1:

Number one.  This one says, "Hey Ladies!" and also, "Please give my mama money to keep me fed and happy!"

This one says, "Hey Ladies!" and also, "Please give my mama money to keep me fed and happy!"

Option B:
I know two of these kids aren't mine, but a mother of three gets more sympathy than a mother of one, right?

I know two of these kids aren't mine, but a mother of three gets more sympathy than a mother of one, right?

Choice # 3:
Number 3.  This one says, "My mom doesn't even give me milk!  For the love of God, give this woman some money before my teeth rot out!"

This one says, "My mom doesn't even give me milk! For the love of God, give this woman some money before my teeth rot out!"

Option D:
Number four.  Relax, it's Fresca, no caffine, no sugar.  Basicly carbonated grapefruit juice and presevatives.  Philip gave it to him.

Relax, it's Fresca, no caffeine, no sugar. Basicly carbonated grapefruit juice and preservatives. Philip gave it to him.

Or, Option #5:
And, number 5.  I have no cute comment about this one, just that that outfit is adoreable.  Whoever dresses him should get some sort of award.

I have no cute comment about this one, just that this outfit is adorable. Whoever dresses him should get some sort of award.


OK, readers, leave me a comment by 8:30 EST tomorrow (Friday) morning and I’ll tally up the votes (all three of them).


Update:  I couldn’t decide between the 3rd and 4th, so  I printed them both out and carried them around yesterday.  Then, near the end of my shift, I was informed by one of my co-workers that he had a snotty nose.  Ohmagawd, I have become that mother that can’t see the snot on her child’s face through all the cuteness.  I should have waited.  So, now, I’m going with the last one, I should have trustred y’all anyway.  You’d totally tell me if I looked fat or had broccoli in my teeth, too.  That’s why I love you.

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